Things have been semi-better lately. I've actually decided to post this (at 2:10AM) because I am semi-drunk, yet find myself sort of smiling and feeling whimsical. lol.
I need to get back to my roots. I'm doing some social justice stuff in the next few weeks and I'm really excited about it. I've not done things like this since I was involved with Been and other orgs. I think it's step in the right direction.
I've decided to refrain from looking at A's FB and T page. It's too much and I don't need it... Like at all. She's such a fucking child and I don't want to be brought into drama. Unfortunately I've started to see who my real friends are (think she's been bad-mouthing me) but I am who and what I am and if you don't like it then that's just tough shit.
I'm a good and loving person and I deserve to be with someone better than her. Someone that will appreciate me for all of my quirks and flaws and will be able to walk that walk with me and talk that talk with me. I'm more aware than ever now how much A and I were out of sync, forcing things to work. I love and loved her. It still hurts. However, I KNOW that this is right. I know we are not meant for one another. It just can't be.
I will miss her. I continue to miss her, and it's not like I feel as if I'll fluctuate betwixt this good and bad place. But... it's a start. And damn it I've needed a start, something to hold onto that gives me hope for myself and my future. The biggest mistake you could make is underestimating me, something that I know she has done. I will be so much better and shine so much more fucking brighter that she ever will. It's my destiny and fuck anyone who gets in my way.
Damn it, I'm back.
