Time is flying by and it's almost time for school to start again, theoretically for the last time. I can't believe it. I saw (500) Days of Summer last night and it was just truly exceptional. I really felt connected to it and saw so much of myself and O in that film. It was good to see because it was reassuring to me that yes, in fact, I will meet someone new eventually and it could be in the most random place or at the most random time. I felt a lightness that I've not felt in a long time and was sad to see it leave me this morning when I woke. I had insanely strange dreams last night and don't remember them now.
I had a number of moments today were I was possessed by familiar feelings that I just want to let go of on one hand and on the other feel incapable to do so because it still feels, even now, ever so precious. I have a love/hate relationship with how primal our connection was. I drift in and out of my depth of feeling when I remember how easy it was to turn her on, just with a look or a touch. How she was so eager to give herself to me and let me work her body to the point it could no longer handle. Desire was never a question and thus it is that much harder for me to imagine my life with her in it on a level of strictly friendship. I don't want the temptation and I've always felt it, from the moment I met her.
Her ex made contact with me and we're have dinner on Thurs. which I'm sorta looking forward to just because I do want to know how O is doing and why she needed to leave for home. I don't, however, want to rehash pain that I'd like to move past. Moving, not burying which is what I feel like I'm doing. There is a song I keep playing obsessively with the lyrics, "Whatever it was, it's gone now. Whatever I loved, feels all wrong now. No matter how you put it the song comes out the same, I'm begging for the chorus, but you never refrain. Whatever it was, it's gone now... Whatever we were, I can't hear it now. Whatever we heard, it's making no sound now... Whatever it was I can't hear it now." It makes me crumble for its accuracy but at same time feel comforted to know that there are words to describe what I'm feeling. It just reinforces why I need to blog more and get this stuff out of me.
There is a quote from the previously mentioned movie that mentions how in order to get over a woman you need to turn her into literature. How perfect indeed.
