I'm surprised to be typing this here on Christmas Eve 2008. I can unequivocally say that right now I'm completely, utterly alone. No O, no Mom, and not even my cat, who has been missing since this weekend. I'm praying she is ok and will be back asap but I don't know where she is or what to do... I can't believe it happened to begin with and how long I went without noticing her.
I'd truly hoped that O would stay with me tonight, I have never been alone on this night of nights in my entire life. I know there is a first time for everything but this is certainly not how I envisioned my Xmas to unfold. I want to be inspired by the magic of it and enjoy it as much as I normally do. However, things are different. O actually came with me to dinner which will mark the first time I've ever brought a woman to Xmas dinner. My mom, quite frankly, doesn't live here with me anymore. I now truly live on my own in most ways. I realize this is one of those painful life lessons where I grow onwards and upwards. I just don't like being here and hating that I'm alone. I don't want to treat this like just some other night, indistinguishable from the next. Things weren't supposed to be this way, at least that's what I tell myself most of the time. I dunno... It just seems like such a waste now that it's here, as if I couldn't care less. All of this shopping, buying, and for what? Some store-bought love in a box?
This world is messed up...
