I'm feeling very low energy right now and quite lonesome and in want of certain company. Today was just one of those days that I'd like to do over, I missed two out of three classes and slept more than I should yet still remain tired. I was feeling unwell though. I had some kind of food poisoning/virus hit me early Friday which totally fucked up my weekend like nobody's business. I had such wonderful plans laid out and it was replaced with projectile vomit and severe diarrhea. I was happy to know that at least O was going to come over to take care of me and we would watch a movie, but low and behold, she ate something at lunch that made her sick too so she couldn't come over b/c she was on the toilet every five minutes like myself.
I spent Saturday trying to recover and it wasn't until yesterday that I even felt like eating anything. I missed her so much... Last week was hard to be away from her and I was so upset about not getting to see her Friday, that I went into a depression Sat. when I realized I wasn't going to see her then either. She had to go to Lou for a charity walk with her ex and then went to her ex's hometown to visit some of the ex's relatives and it took a lot long than she thought and she didn't get back until late. She called once to check on me (but my phone was off) and I called back, leaving a message. She then called when they were in Som. on their way back and I talked to her then, I really wanted her to come see me but I knew she was exhausted and so was I. She told me she'd call when she'd got home, which she did and I eventually asked her if she wanted company and she at least gave a pregnant pause but ultimately said no, and I was upset about it simply because I missed her and I thought she'd jump at the chance to reunite. I just missed her a lot. Every so often she calls herself my GF and I always soften at that. I've yet to call her out on it... It makes me too anxious and I don't want her to take it back.
I'm disappointed to report that Mercury is officially retrograding tomorrow until Oct. 15th but it's been said that effects will be felt around 10 days pre- and post- transition. I remember last time (in June) none too fondly. It was the worst retrograde that I've experience since having awareness of these planetary changes so needless to say, I'm trying to brace myself. I feel already affected with her. Last night was a really difficult night for her, she got exceptionally frustrated with looking for a car and immediately going into fear and lack mode. I felt like I did the best that I could to help so I don't have anything else to say but I do wish that I could've affected her in a way that seemed like it helped. She didn't want me to hold her last night which upset me more than I realized. She apologized profusely this morning and earlier when I was on the phone with her. She was going to come down tonight but wanted a rain check, which I understand but still want her here. I hope she just has a nice evening in for herself. I'm not gonna lie and say I'll be excited to hear that she's gone to dinner with S instead of coming here to see me. I'm doing pretty well with that and genuinely don't feel jealousy towards her, I just know that physically I'm not there and she doesn't really see many people regularly... I dunno. I wish she'd limit her contact with her, but that's not my place to say that. It's made me think about J and how I honestly would like to have dinner with her sometime. I'd like to know how she's doing.
The only thing I really want right now is to just take the blanket/mat that she gave to me and go lay out in the ravine with her next to me and enjoy this beautiful weather. I know I could go by myself but that just depresses me...
