School started back yesterday and I've already got quite a lot of work to do. I can say for sure that I will be reading A LOT this term. It's weird having to think about school again, I don't really want to be there but I need to finish my degree, my current job can't be it, even though it has been for almost 10 years. I can't wait to get out of there.
This summer was one of great learning. I know that I am always learning but I know that the growth was considerable. I have learned a lot about myself and what having an ongoing sexual relationship is like. I wish I would write more, I get so caught up in life and all of its crap. I was re-reading my old written journals not long ago and just sat in amazement at how far I had come in only 3-4 years. It was hell but it seems so far away now. I hope that my current struggles will feel the same way with time and space between them.
Things with O are just... different... every time I talk to her. I know that my last writing was grim and rightfully so. Mid-month however, I felt like we were slowly getting back onto the right track. She spent two separate nights at my place which was huge and glorious (silly to say maybe but it's how I felt) and we had amazing sex and connected so powerfully with one another. It's not been without faults though. The day after that first night here, I made a really huge mistake and broke a boundary with her. I felt like the biggest hypocrite and saw first hand how much I need to nurture myself because it was through fear that I rationalized that what I was doing was a good idea and "ok". Needless to say she wasn't happy at all...
