I'm feeling a crises coming on and that there's nothing I can do to stop it. I'm so absolutely overwhelmed with school-related things right now that I could just vomit for an indefinite period of time. I feel as if I'm running out of time and in a way I am. If things had been the way I'd hoped/planned I would be making this upcoming fall semester my last and be on my way to graduation in 2009. Right now I'm not at all sure what is going to happen and how truly feasible that hope is.
Failing my biology class and getting an incomplete in my gender and terrorism class last semester really hurt me. It's also sucking major wind that I'm 99% sure I'm failing my math class currently. It hasn't helped that I've not been to class in about 2 weeks... Yeah. I don't know how or why I get myself into these ridiculous situations. This has been an issue in some form or another my whole life it seems like. It's not at all helping that I'm still dealing with this sleep apnea thing and haven't been able to get the machine yet. Every time I'm home I have things going on and just end up not thinking about it. It'd be easier if it was here in town but it's not.
I don't know where this avoidance comes from, I really don't. It's not like getting the help that I obviously need is a bad thing. I guess I get so entrenched in the suffering that I can't see a way out. It comes eventually but really is there a reason for me to suffer in the first place?
Monday marked the 2 year anniversary of my father's death. It seemed like any other normal day and I didn't really think about it but I'm thinking about it now. It's hard to comprehend that time span given how fast life seems to pass us by. I didn't even talk about it with anyone. My mom wasn't even around since she was going to leave the next morning early for Hawai'i for a wedding and will be gone 10 days (yeah, I'm so not jealous...) so I feel frankly, alone.
