I feel like I've moved on from some people in my life. It's awkward but in many ways I don't miss them. They had already become people that had creeped out to the periphery of my life so to make the conscious decision to not call, message, ect. them was somewhat easy. Granted, at one point I held a great, deep love for these people and I'll be the first to admit that they played important roles in my life. I just don't see where I fit in with them and their lives now.
I've learned the hard way what happens when you hold on too long to something, I guess it's some twisted variation of the "leave before you're left" syndrome. Sometimes I wonder if my mind just played a great deal of tricks on me and really they miss me and wonder why I dropped off the face of the earth. Yet, if that were true, I've yet to receive one call from any of them, some half-hearted texts sure, but no real, meaningful contact. I'm just not going to fall all over myself for crumbs. It's a painful separation but it seems relatively inevitable. I'm tired of drama with Ali, how she hurt me, and how she seemed more concerned with maintaining whatever it was that she felt like she had to maintain than to deal with the facts in front of both of our faces. If she'd at least apologized once, I would genuinely feel some will to make an effort... but she didn't so... yeah.
I really wish she'd just stop texting me. Maybe one day she will. I do wonder how people are but I know this time next year my life will be changing and I'll be moving on from KY. I don't know when but I want to move somewhere out of state just to give it a chance. I want to be openly gay and happy which even though I am here, I want active community that has places to go and things to do. My hometown has such potential but as long as the old gay/les guard are running things, nothing will change and it will continue to suck. Sure I could do something to change it, but I don't care enough to want to right now. I just want to move to a place where I get have some instant gay gratification lol.
