Wow! I can't believe a whole month just zipped past me and a new semester is here again.
I feel like I've made some decisions in the last month or so that are and will change relationships for me in a big way. I have drifted so very far from some people that I don't feel like we're friends anymore and I don't see why I should keep up appearances to suggest otherwise. I had a blind date back in Dec. that turned into a huge fiasco and just basically broke some connections I had with certain people, but I let them get broken and I didn't want to fix them. I'm tired of being on my soap box about friendship being a two-way street and for some reason this is still a problem for me. I don't think it's too much to ask for your friends to make time for you and that no, they won't die of starvation or lack of oxygen because they're not in the same room or proximity to their bf/gf.
In a way I feel sorry for them, that they're incapable of understanding the concept of boundaries or courtesy to friends. I no longer count on these people to be there for me. I wouldn't think of them if I were in trouble and needed to be bailed out of jail or whatever would constitute a situation where I would need some kind of assistance like that. I still am upset and hurt but I'm just starting to shut things down again and cutting them off. I'm not going to be the one responsible for making all of the calls and putting the energy into things. I'm too old for that and have learned my lesson, painfully so, that a person, no matter how busy, will always make time for what they want to make time for. I'm tired of the back burner status and feel justified to want to be treated as a priority and not as an option.
I just want to shake them so they can act right. I don't know why this is happening all at once which is what it feels like. First it was Kelly, then it was Ali, and now it's Tim, along with multiple side couples that aren't really in my life but are at the same time, at least they were. I feel like persona non grata and it feels pretty shitty. I've given up MySpace truly at this point, I no long want anything to do with them. I'm tired of giving, since it's my nature, and only getting shit or nothing in return. I'm tired, exhausted really, from hurting. I don't want to carry this burden anymore but the loneliness is overwhelming at times.
