I'm genuinely amazed at how my level of stress has decreased since last Friday. I had to cry after it was all over, better or for worse but by god it was done. This semester was hell but I finished and can now say that I had a grade report that had every possible outcome on it. I'm not thrilled but I'm just wallowing in the knowledge that I am free from school for a month and it will give me time to get back on track.
I'm also feeling kinda light because I have a date on Friday night. First time since May I think so that's something that I'm tentatively looking forward to. It will be a group date so neither of us will feel pressure but I'm still going to be understandably nervous. In contrast, I've been feeling really good in certain respects about J. I actually took her number out of my cell the other day. I still don't want to see her and despite my curiosity, I'm just going to have to leave well enough alone. I don't want to put myself through that again and feel the immense pain that seemed to be a constant. This time last year, things were so different. I remember how miserable I was and my happiness revolved around her.
It doesn't matter what she wants, I have to do what's best for myself and just take myself out of the equation. I'm going to write this ending, not her.
