I'm constantly feeding myself the wrong things. I ate so much tonight and I know it was emotional eating. I got out of my night class by 8:30 and grabbed dinner at Fazoli's since I'd not eating anything since 3-4PM and I knew I couldn't wait till BP started for me to eat. I saw Tim at BP which surprised me, especially since his BF wasn't with him. I really like him, they're just attached at the hip right now and I never see Tim anymore. After the show was over I was thinking it was time to go back to my room but people wanted to go to S&S so I went just to go, because I had felt isolated and lonely all day and plus, I miss Tim a lot. I ended up eating again which was an unfortunate decision on my part. I feel sick right now from eating too much and I know it will just pack on more pounds.
I've not been to the gym this week, I seem to have already lost my motivation, which disappoints me since my horoscope said if I started last Thurs. (which I did) I would have the highest success rate of going back. I've still got work to do in my 330 class and my Bio tests in lecture and lab were this week. I didn't study for the lec. one at all. I just didn't care and I'm guessing I failed it, I really don't know. I think I did better on the lab one but don't think that is saying much. I'm not sure where the breakdown in communication is in my head. I had the first major tests in Bio and I not once even attempted to study, since I knew that it would be a scantron and I'd at least have a 25% chance to get it right. Stupid I know but that's what happened.
I really thought that Rebecca's advice would help and it has but I'm still in the slump. I'm having a very hard time motivating myself and nurturing the pain, isolation, and loneliness I feel and have felt lately. It just seems like all my people have up and gone on me. I'm supposed to go to a Halloween party next Saturday but right now I don't feel like it. If it weren't for that event I don't know when I'd be seeing certain people there, since they're too stuck up their respective partner's asses. I never have costume ideas that I'm happy with or excited about anyway. I may cancel and find something else... More like just sitting on the couch, with the warm glow of the TV to make me wish I was somewhere, anywhere else. I could just drink instead, that's always productive.
