I'm tired right now... Of a lot of things. Tired of being and feeling lonely, tired of school, tired of work, tired of certain people, tired of being tired even. I told my friend Elizabeth the other day that I just really longed to be able to say that I was great if someone asked me and really be able to mean it. I want to know that it wouldn't be some kind of lie. That I was genuinely happy with my life and where I am at with it. But I don't think people really want to know what you're thinking or what's really going on in your life anyway. They just ask because it's the polite thing to do, just good social graces/manners.
What a load of bull...
I haven't had sex since January and I'm a tad pissed about it right now. Mainly because there is a woman in my life who has flirted with me to some degree, off and on now for the last 3-4 years. I would love nothing more at this moment and time to spend an evening with her, getting to... know her better shall we say. The woman is a pianist for christ sakes, what more sexually could a lesbian ask for, save her being a masseuse or something "handy" like that. I'm pretty much at my breaking point but I can't figure out why this hasn't happened yet. She's been single for over a year now and over the summer while we were at a group gathering she was shamelessly flirting with me. So either she's a big tease or she's just too shy? I don't know but my libido is holding a grudge against her right now. She'll flirt and then tell me she's too old for me or that for whatever reason she just couldn't possibly "corrupt" me.
Um, hello?!
Corruption was the theme du jour of my last relationship so there's really no need to worry. I thought maybe she's thinking I'll want a relationship which, *buzz*, wrong again. I'm just dying to get laid honey, and as much as I love you, I don't want to be in a relationship with you, it'd kill me I'm certain. Why can't we just be fuck buddies or something? I'm just dying to be touched again and to not be the only human being in the room when I come (thank god for my trusty, yet lonely vibrator). I'm calling her tomorrow when I get done with work to see about some dinner so I guess we'll go from there. I'm so close to just letting go of everything and saying, "Either you stop this HS BS and go out with me on a real date (or just take me back to your house and fuck me I don't care) or, I dunno, maybe STOP being such a freakin' tease!"
Jeepers.
