So it seems my blogging has gotten off to a rather busy and rollicking start. Today was kinda productive which is good but I need to do more. I'm kinda shocked/embarrassed? about how much I miss FB and MS. It makes me feel ridiculous in some way. It's also been 3 days now where I've not hung out with people who I thought were my friends. I'm not immediately saying they're not my friends but I've been questioning people's priorities lately and realizing that I'm not in the mix of it. It makes me sad because I feel like I make certain people a priority and it sucks wind when that feeling isn't reciprocated in the slightest.
I feel..... Really lonely right now. I'm not sure what to do because I feel so cut off. I wrote such a "final" blog on Saturday night that I would feel like a fool if I "gave in" and signed back in. Sad thing is, I don't know how many people read it. I know a few did since I've gotten notices in my email saying that soinso has commented but then that just ticks me off because if they read a fucking word I wrote they'd realize I'm not going to read their comment, not at least for the foreseeable future since that would undermind the whole idea of being done with MS.
This all seems so stupid to me.
I just wish someone would actually call me on the flippin' phone like I asked, and yet no one has done that. So I'm feeling pretty lonely. Kind of like when I was first in Italy and didn't know who to talk to other than the general/casual conversation I'd have with my roommates before bed. The thing about that was I knew that I had people at home who loved me and missed me and who wanted to talk to me and hang out, and now I don't know what to make of those exact same people who, up until recently seemed like they were "with" me. Now I'm not so sure. I'm just having some kind of friend crisis I don't know. I do feel left out though and feel helpless to change it. Great right?
I always prided myself in the company I kept because I knew I was a kind person that was well-liked and loved. I don't know what to think anymore. I just feel that no one cares enough to call and check on me. That and I've been constantly hungry all day long, which considering I have no money to speak of for groceries, just sucks a big one. I have some food left, I'm not totally out but if I had the cash I definitely would have gone to the store today.
